please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
