My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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