Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
