Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
