i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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