Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(620): View more from Kansas

Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me

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(303): View more from Colorado

Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)

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(210): View more from Texas

I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.

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(513): View more from Ohio

He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.

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(619): View more from California

When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.

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(770): View more from Georgia

She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.

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(941): View more from Florida

she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush

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