I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
