it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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