Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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