bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
