We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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