Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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