dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
