I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
