y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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