Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
