Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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