It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
