Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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