DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
