can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
