My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
