If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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