so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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