Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
