adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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