I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
