don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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