you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
