By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
