remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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