I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Green mimosas i think yes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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