And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
false alarm, still single
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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