It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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