you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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