Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
