My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
