I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
