remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
