seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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