This girl is more easily done than said...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
