All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
