It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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