Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
