remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
