hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
