I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Best friends brother. Beat that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
