i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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