And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
