Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
