Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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