My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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