dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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