she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
