Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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