Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
