How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
