Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
