Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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