He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
