Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
