Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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