3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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