I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
