Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize