I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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