her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
