I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
