went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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