I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
